Dass me in Da CornEr ... Dass ME in Da SpoTLITe...

Losin mah Religion .... hehe ... This Is me ... the face beihnd flawedconception... Tanx fer Readin Mah Blog... Really appreciate the support .... thanKxxx a lot ...
Ajwad

24 hRs ... N StIll coUntIn .... (M3eTin ... LiFe ... MidWaY... III)

I dunno how im keeping myself awake, its taking the life outa me to complete my course for this FKkEd up t3St that I got LesS thAn a Day FrUm nW.... Oh Man I'm TiRd... I need to smoKe ... its been about time since my last cigarette... no ... I'm not keeping track... Damn!... All I wanna do is lie down and play dead for some time .... and not be bothered with whats going on .... its tough now to dream of an existence where there isnt pressure that is put on to you to come up to standards set by nobody for everybody... its tiring to see that there are mindless kids everywhere around me that do the same thing and im one of them even if I dont want to be... I think im gonna give up .... but not yet.... Ne3d To smoke...

Aj

d3Ad EnD.....(Me3tIn LIFe MidwaY-II)

I open my eyes, I can't see, Im locked, I can't move,
My arms are locked from their sides, the very faint texture of wood,
Grazing my arms and I...

I suddenly realise to a horror, Awake, being dead,
And yet alive, in panic, I begin clawing, my lungs burning,
For any little ounce of air, I'm desperate now to get out,
Its numbing me now, the pain engulfing me, I can't see,
Can't breathe, Can't feel, But consummate pain;
I stop struggling, lay silent, unmoving and now, its suddenly peaceful;

I dont want to breathe anymore, more content not feeling,
The world around me, the planet feeling surreal, different,
Abstract, I feel detached from myself, Still,
Unable to feel, not wanting to;

Im floating in this void, coming down to a place,
Like where, when I was alive,
In the distance, I walk down main street, I see,
My home accross the street, everything the same, No!, not quite...

Is it me, I can hear voices in the distance,
See no one, I'm confused, walking along main street...
By the bend I see him, no mistaking the presence, the face of death,
To whom I walk now, with a question escaping me, "Where? Where am I?",

"You're living hell, as you have created for yourself...",
Images of my life flashed before me-,
Times I lied, hated, stole, killed, walked away, indifferent...
Innocent? Unscathed? not quite....
It felt unfair, but then again, with a promise of death,
We shall all "live" one day;

I wearily tread main street, now back to my place,
Across the street - hearing those voices again,
A smirk.... "Welcome home..."

Aj

MeEtInG L1fe... MidwAy.... [DUdE!!!]

HeY

Idyut ... im right here .... man ... im so sorry .... been kinda wound up ...

College is goin along pretty ok ... not great ... not bad ... my grades are falling ... n Im not even interested ... somehow being a tech person aint a good idea ... im find myself studying management and marketin subjects... its that bad ... im quite disinterested in what theyre teaching us right now ... Yea ... the curicullum is good ... I guess ... I dont have drive to speak of.

im having a bit of a rough time man ... I dont know ... depression? ... maybe ... but sometimes i think like its too much to handle... trust me ... i dont like being around people sometimes... its like I dont want to hear anyones voice ... not even mine .... Maybe its because I havent gone home for the past one year ... seriously man ... stuck in a place like this is the last thing you want to be happening to anyone. Having said that ... its not without its perks ... I've made good friends ... yea and they're good people ... but... sometime it gets a bit too close for comfort.....

Dont know ... Im as confused as ever... no chick scene ... im pretty tired of it right now ... Gawd ... whats wrong with me???... I bet you have no clue why or what is wrong with me ... trust me ... niether do I ... Im just really bored with life ... and some how too lazy to study or do anything worthwile ... and its hitting me ... having to go into class and not knowing ANYTHING .... man .. seriously ... such things never happened at ALL... I think I need inspiration ... no ... motivation ... no ... I dont know ... :P; Its one of those problems tha you have the solution for ... but u just too lazy to apply it .... LAZY.... fuck .... I have got to start to do something about it ... I think Laziness is a mental condition .... Do i need to see a shrink??? No clue as hell...

Been listening to a lot of crazy stuff ... I have no idea why Engineering students listen to so much rock ... its like a bond ... Every engineerin student loves metal ... heavy metal ... rock ... [abrasivematerial]+music... it baffles me ... it makes me respect it ... theres culture somewhere in India... There are crazy people around here man ... sitting here, I can point to 20 different people who think differently... its not new ... but now, its showing, and Im not being judgmental...

Now that I think of it, im pretty sure I have no clue how i started off this letter... theres too much going on in my head ... i like the exercise ... but its too tiring for my liking ... I need some peace ... I need a vacation.

Dont worry ... by the time you finally make sense of this ... I'll have written to you again .... tell me ... whattup Wid u ... n I mean a LooNg lEtter....

ciAo

Aj