rOLlInG to DeCEMbEr - The SeM GoNE bY:

What have I been doing since September...?

You don't want to know. Its been a horrendous start to my penultimate year in College. 5th Semester was a drag... all I could think of it was... actually nothing. I didn't have time. The last 3 months were filled with running somewhere or the other to do some or the other godforsaken assignment... but thats not all. There are other things that lead to this unfortunate state of mine(Yes... its happening ... but on another post...) For now... I'm back. Watch this space...
Oh well.. mah next post...:
PrOxY aTtEnDanCe

lol....

Ajwad

HmM.... HaDDta uPLoad Em SomEdaY... n VoiLa

Well... this is a series of pics that I never thought would come out... Summer of '06... Vacations ... the first one is at home... its when I just woke up... do I even need to talk about the second... the second is from the same time period... but well.. Im in a saree shop... it was supposed to be an experimental one, where I blur out the sarees(to get a mindblowing effect btw)... but yea well... got bored... took a snap... n voila...:)

CauTion: Wet Paint...!

OK, I'm a little frustrated now. There was a shceduled outage on blogger as soon as I wrote this , and I have ever since been in love with the refresh button on my Web browser. Refresh... refresh... oh wait... refresh, and finally after a lot of begging and pleading to the machine, it finally worked. The past week has not been good to me. I have been running from one end of the campus to the other, registered for the IMS CAT course, studied for it, done a lot of assignments, and well, lived the life of a classical nerd, for the past 7 days. And trust me: These guys do not need a work out. They use their heads too much. I am wondering, if that is why my appetite is on its familiar-but-not-so-pleasant zenith. I am getting fat now.

Not healthy... just fat.

For the first time in my life here at NIT, I have stayed up till three doing an assignment (Sounds like no big deal huh...?), in the first month of the semester(And now?). My take on it: Its good, coz when I sit in my Electron Circuits class now, I can actually understand how the ciruit works... OK... not exactly, but somehow. Its like, you know when you've heard a language that you dont speak for a long enough time, you can pick up what the other person is saying, without actually knowing words. Meaning, you can understand, but not really say anything. I am feeling pretty proud now. Wait...(For those of you, who are out to burst my bubble, please click on the upper right icon on our window[HINT: It looks like an X].).



Other reasons why I've been that busy are: We just shifted from the temporary hostel, to this other way cooler one. Problem: We were on the first floor of the temporary hostel- and had to shift to the second floor of the other hostel... and these buildings, were almost a kilometre in distance away from each other. I was particularly weary of such excersise... so well, I just dialed my phone, and called my brother(I am not a sadist... but I do happen to have juniors who will work for me). So voila, while I was lighting cigarettes, there were these guys, picking my stuff and shifting it, bit by bit(Righteous people: try lifting a huge trunk, which well, is too big to be held by one dude... oh wait... did I mention: It isnt empty!).

Theres amazing ventilation in the new hostel. The 4th wall, is almost entirely window(They're big man...), and it gets pretty chilly early in the morning, which obviously means I will only bother a little lesser to be seen in class in the morning, and god knows I need to. I think I still have the IHS hangover, where I want classes to start at 1.00 in the afternoon, and probably end at 6.30 in the evening. Can you imagine the kind of life I've been living so far, what with having to wake up at a solid 10.30 in the morning, after getting a decent 6 hours of sleep? And suddenly, I have to get hit by a truck, and land up here. What went wrong with me, I thought, when I decided that this college, will determine the future for me. The biggest pain in the ass, is the attendance bit. Now the thing is, when I dont attend, Im supposed to redo the course from scratch, the next time its offered, which amounts to me doing a 5th sem course, in my 7th sem, when I'm actually supposed to be getting placed and doing weed till my eyes pop out. Apart from which I shall be dropping a course from my 7th semester, which means, I shall be wasting my time, just figuring out what my subjects are before doing anything substantial.

And, financially, the news is, I'm broke. I have not one penny in my pocket right now(which is a good thing, because the cigarettes are cutting themselves down.). Its not like I dont have money in the bank. I have money in the bank, but my cards fucked, and I dont want to use my passbook, since this stupid rule that will cause me to lose a lotta money if I update my passbook. So well. I'm playing it safe and being broke. I gotta go now, get my photographs... God BlEsS

Aj

P.S. Got a haircut... post pics shortly.... Aj

ThiS ShiT Is siCk...

Yeah I know, I shoulnt have had a cold water bath at 11:30 in the night. And yeah I know that I should have had something for my cough. But guess what: No one counts on all the diseases in the world - NOT all in one night. You gotta be psycho to be able to think that way. I think they've named a disease after that condition. Thats when you know your'e really psycho- they have a 'name' for what you have. Freaky.

No, really, I lead a pretty disgusting lifestyle, if I may say so myself, but I definitely didnt count on my health giving away almost completely, just one fine morning. So I wake up, and Im really cold, like its the middle of december. I had a hunch this would happen. On an ordinary day, I'd be really happy, with the prospect of not going to college the entire day. But this day was different. You see, my attendance is already terribly low, and trust me this wouldnt really look good(my reputation wasn't exactly what you called 'nice').
Suddenly I'm looking around for a pill(Usually dont pop them... just wanted to get to class(yes... this happens sometimes)) and a minute later... lose hope(See... the lazy me is back). So I just lie back and go to sleep, but this time wearing three t-shirts, my blanket AND the bedsheet over me, and still feeling cold. This couldnt be good.

[This is when I really didnt know what was going on... I was sleeping... well not really, I slept only half the time, so this is a partial recollection of what happened when I was awake...]

I can see half the fan spinning, I'm too tired to look at the whole thing. I'm still really cold, and now my feet hurt. My head hurt and breathing made my nose burn. Now my eyes are fixed at a corner on my wall, where a spider is taking an awful lot of time to decide where it wants to go...

Its not day anymore. I open my eyes, look at the corner. The spiders not there anymore, but the corner reminds me that I'm supposed to be sick. Its still cold, which means I'm burning up. I resign and fall asleep.

Its late. I message my brother. I need two things. Food, and Medicine. Pronto. Having spent what little energy I had, I doze off again.

I wake up, at the hazy silhouette of my brother at the door. He was smoking a cigarette. How I wish, I thought. My food and medicines ( Did not want to go heavy... Hello! How was I to know that in a very little time... the shit was gonna get CraZy.). I called out to him, but had no voice. I strained enough to call him, and started coughing. Just like that, I tell you. Trust me. Just like that I was coughing, lightly at first, but in a few moments... pretty heavily... like my lungs had declared war on my body. Too late for a cough syrup now. Fortunately it was a friday, so there were a few days that I could play around with.

I have a painful sleep. If theres one thing that you do not want to have along with fever, a splitting headache and a very bad cough, is a bad, bad pain... in your entire body. The pain is just enough to keep you semi awake, so soon you get bored with trying to sleep, and are forced to notice, what goes on in Ajwad's room through the night, among other things:

Its dark. The fan makes wierd noises every 4 seconds. Yes... exactly 4 seconds before it cries out. Its like a word... if you listen to it closely. Always the exact sound. I feel bad for the fan... saying the same word every 4 seconds of its existence. Makes Polly's life seem worthwile. Hell, at least it gets crackers sometimes.

Its too dark to see the spider, so well, I kinda missed out on its adventures. My jeans are hung behind the door... and theyr'e almost about to fall off, but not quite. Even if the fan was on a faster setting, I coulda sworn the damn thing would have fallen. But it didnt... it just stayed there. I was really really bored, and my idea of adventure was to predict if the pair of jeans would actually fall(Sometimes I wonder, if this is the way they come up with movies these days).
The sky wasnt changing colors yet. I flipped open my cell phone(Yes... I have a clamshell cell phone... I know its no biggie... but who cares... I somehow think its super cool), to check the time. I opened up the gallery, and looked at pictures that I took. Not really me, no, Im not that big on cameras on phones, but those that my little sis took these vacations... hmm... Me sleeping... interesting... Me sleeping1, me sleeping2, my brother sleeping... A dozen other pictures of all my family members sleeping... (Only mug shots... so well...:p), I saw a few pictures my sis took of herself. I smiled. Apart from this there were a few pictures of my ear... (yes... Ive tried stunts too), and other very wierd pictures of my fingers... and some really random pictures of... I dont know what... They were taken too wierdly for reason. Somehow, looking at pictures made me miss home. Then it struck me more, when I took a breath n my nose burnt... again. I closed my eyes again, this time I was determined to sleep. I have no vivid recollections of what happened that night...

Its been 3 days now... I feel much better. I feel strangely happy,like I just got over some depression... When you get over an ailment, its got a confusing effect on you. I feel like superman. I feel like I can hold everything thats kicking my ass right now, and ... well... kick it right back. I think everyone deserves to feel that way. Afterall... hope is what makes the world go round. Gotta rush. Cant miss class.


God bless,
Aj

MasTer of BusIness adMiniStratiON... (Heyy... Im SpoSd to TiNk bIG Here)

Its been some time since I last wrote... its just I'm still stuck with dial up at home, and really, its not a charm working on it for ages to get one post... well, posted. So here I am... back in the familiar I-lab, working my stuff. So, now I'm a prefinal year student. That means... well nothing except, this year I gotta slog a lot. I got the pre placement tests , internships, a training to complete. This year also happens to be the last year I can do anything to build my resume. Everything in a span of 2 semesters, one of which is gonna be filled with writing tests everyday, wether you've prepared or not. Trust me... it dont matter if you prepare. The CPC's (As theyre called here) are not really easy, but the whole point of having to write them is well, nothing more than a formality. My college, everyone gets placed. Wether you know stuff or not. So well... keeping a job, after getting it may be the biggest problem... yet. My reasoning: If lady luck is good enough( Am I actually using the word good?) to get me here and get me through the first 2 years of my hellish life here, with well, not so much of a scratch... then its probably good enough to get me a job, and help it stick.

Honest to god, I dont see myself working 2 years from now. I want to do an MBA(This statement is largely trivial: please refer to my post Got PurPoSe?, for further details.). Actually I want to do more than an MBA; I want to do an MBA, at THE business school, as far as India is concerned. Da Indian Institute of Management baby, every engineers calling: (Actually, its just for people who want to make a truck load of money in no time... my hands raised :p). But realistically speaking... its hard even getting there. Statistically, it is the toughest colleges to get into, in... hold your breath... the world. Yes, its true ladies and gentlemen, I am attempting to do something, even I thought I wouldnt do: Work. So Ill help this mindless piece of writing lay itself to rest... Cya Laterz

Aj

GoT PuRPosE... ?!?!?!??

tDaYs SonG: Th3 doOrs - aMeRIcAn PrAYer.
Time: 2:00 AM.

The fan is making wierd noises. The TV is showing the rerun of a lame 'K' soap: thankfully at a low volume. The lights are down low. Im going through 'Midnights Children' by Salman Rushdie. Its phenomenal. I start reading the first line of a page, and as if on cue, my back starts scratching with a vengeance. So much, that I almost throw the book down and position my body wierdly, in order to reach the irritated area of the epidermis. As the itch dies, I pick up the book. I start thinking: Stuff generally interpreted as soul searching, and the process of self discovery. *BliNk*....*BliNk*...and a million blinks later, I decide... I need a plan.

Now since I am a student of a pretty reknowned college of engineering, I have one simple laid out plan, and other many not so simple ones. and still others that I've chosen not to consider due to a mismatch of well, raw materials, if you like, that I have to work with: for example, I have chosen not to become a Rap artist, since I do not have access to a dozen girls in various stages of undress, willing to dance around me, while I err.. sing. Another technicality, is the fact that I cannot afford the Bling-bling Diamond necklaces, diamond studs... rings on all fingers, diamond braces...(Yea... my reaction exactly... WTF?) and diamond studded cellphones... and the obvious fact that I'm not black. Sometimes I wonder... These guys have the girls, the money, the cars, the tattoos, and the guns... Why in hells name do they sing? Not for the money they dont...

To solve this problem, that is taking quite a while, by anyone's standards - I mean, who takes more than five minutes, to make the biggest decision of their lives... ridiculous.

I sought help from a - err... an acquaintance. I related to him my problem...


'Dude... I need to know... I need to know my purpose in life...'

'Ive just the thing you need!!!...'
(Funny, how everyone has the answer to that one. The world sells Nirvana in bits and pieces.)

'When I was your age...'
(At 20, he's about 8 months older...huh!?! my age was like a decade ago innit?)

'Someone told me to read this book.... this book called the Alchemist...'
(I'm doing engineering bro...)

'Its by this guy called Paulo Cohelo... it changed my life...'
(Yeah... when I first read Playboy... it changed my life too...)

So well... I took the book... reached home... and almost immediately started reading. As I read, I realised, The Alchemist is really, not about the alchemist. Fleetingly I thought of this Jeffry Archer novel, 'As the crow flies'... and pondered over possible mentions of the crow?. None that I could think of. Strange. So now, the Alchemist speaks of a certain treasure... and obviously too of a person who wishes to seek it, encountering the what nots of the journey, and the truths of life, in a rather strange fashion, to finally realise, the treasure was where he lived all his life. My take: After much hardship and torture, and a few hundred pages of reading, everything is back where it began. A classic example of inconsequential writing.

Words that my friend were ringing in my head. Listen to the book he said. After much deliberation, I realised- The solution of my problem is within myself- my mind to be exact. Darn, I thought... If I could read minds, I'd have better business than to read books, much less this one. Anyway, the first step... I know where it is... I just dont know how to get there. Evolution of a person, it says, is the key... Paulo Cohelo, it seems, has the uncanny ability to sound like a certain charachter named NEO from the MATRIX TRILOGY, though I do agree, that at times, he does also sound like another charachter from the err... much loved movie series, namely Morpheus.

'What... is the meaning of this?'

'It is but what you choose to interpret... The question is: What is interpretation?'

'What...?'

'I exist in this film, solely for the purpose of confusing the audience into reading more into the
dialogues, hence slyly dragging an overtly loose story along. Ahem. So which pill was it'

'Huh?'

"Ah... The red pill eh?. You are the one. You choose your destiny... and ours. Theyre all interconnected..."

"uh huh..."

Conspiracy Theory #1: I think the movie was a twisted version of The Alchemist... Hey... the lines are copied.

So... I half decided and then decided not to become a rapper, and read a book, that was in itself inconsequential, and was still where I started. The question now troubled me. What was my purpose in life? In order to get things into focus, I visit another acquaintance of mine(notice, I'm not mentioning names... DO NOT want to get sued.). They say, there are many ways to get to the truth. Its true ( I think); I am begining to find out.

'You need to meditate.'
(And find what... Inner peace??)

'You need to find Inner peace.'
(GoTchA!)

'All doubts that you carry are manifestations of your restless spirit.'
(What is she talking about?)

'Do you even understand what I'm talking about?'
(No...)

'So all you have to do... is close your eyes... and think of what you want to do most of all in life.'
(Boy... that would be some R rated movie..;))

So well... I took her advice... had a bath(No... not that advice)... wore my whitest white pajamas, locked my room (Yeah right I'd let anyone catch me like this), closed my eyes and began to meditate. At first, I could see nothing. Then I could see something black. Then infinite blackness. Then I entered nothingness. I felt like I was blind. ( Yeah OK... I realise now my eyes were closed.). Then I remembered I was supposed to think.

After 5 minutes: Nothing.

After 10 minutes: Its too hot, I need to switch on the Airconditioner.

After 15 minutes: I need to pee.

This was getting nowhere. Ok, so I wasnt an avid believer of searching for enlightenment, in black nothingness. It was too ironic for me to believe. I was getting nowhere, and this was frustrating me. I needed to know what my purpose was. Thus, I had no other choice. I went to the single source of everything, and anything in life. Millions sought it everyday, for any kind of enlightenment. The InTernEt...(I'm living in 2006, theres got to be a yourpurposeinlife.com!). So I google in My purpose in life.

'The words my and in are too common and were excluded from the search'
(Ok... I do not want some one elses purpose)

'Did you mean my purpose in live?'
(Life... Life... Arghhh)

So, theres a site on '201 ideas for desert using beef and bacon', and '501 different ways to make a paper plane' but there is not one page, on my purpose in life. GrEaT...

Finally, like many others, who have tried to interpret their lives, and failed, I too lay in wait of my moment. I was tired, and had no will to go on. If the answer existed, it would come to me on its own accord. Maybe understanding it would mean my purpose, fulfilled. The process of understanding it, my calling, as is everyone elses. Its already begun. I think...

BrIdGe OfF Da riVEr...

tDayS sOng: AC-DC: BuRnIn AliVe

Mood: Angry.

Im feeling fucked up right now. I had a fight with dad, bro, bro, mom, and anyone who means anything to me. Why? Questions. Answers. Counter questions. Arguments. Leadless, endless, arguments without result. Calculating fault is not one of my strong points; whenever I sit down to do such a thing, I can come up with no begining, no end, no point, no right and no wrong with names to check across it. I dont know what my point was... aw heck... even thinking about it is useless excersise.

I'm half contemplating punching the walls in frustration. This is really not the reason I came back to Dubai. Its not a failed endeavour, the attempt at feeling empty on reaching here, sometimes called fulfillment. But somehow, theres always a black lining in the silver cloud of hope that hangs pretty ominously[tRanSitIon: uP-dOwNwArDs]. The proverbial lull before the storm. Moods are temporary; bad ones follow good ones, and the cycle continues.

So today, I fought. I fought hard. I havent slept all night... and I have little recollection of what I'm writing, even right now. Im drowsy now: theres random music playing on the player. I cant understand the words, and theres a struggle to comprehend the beat somewhere in my mind, I dont know where...my eyelids are heavy.

Stat3m3nT: Good NiTe... ToO SlEePy tO gO oN.